I'm with child too

Painting for my friend's baby by me.

A lot of my friends have been having babies lately.
And I really didn't want to know how anything happens.

I have always believed that ignorance is bliss.

Unfortunately, my friends give me details that I really wish I didn't know.

I know you're done with it but do you really have to torture the rest of us with that information?

I can say that I really don't know what you're going through as a pregnant person.

But for some strange reason, whenever I'm having a conversation with someone who's let's say 'with child', I just start talking like I understand what they're going through.

I know you (with your hormones) want to slap me with a big pomfret but I'm just trying to understand what you're going through. I usually compare childbirth to the most painful experiences in my life (don't worry, I won't name them) and ask if it's anything close to that.

I once went shopping for dresses with a then pregnant friend.

I tried on an XS instead of my usual size which is S and boy oh boy, did I get a backache while trying to squeeze myself out of that dress.

And when I told my pregnant friend this, I got this look from her.

Cue: Pomfret slap.

And here's a recent conversation I had with a currently pregnant friend:

Friend: Nowadays I like wearing dresses. It's just more comfortable.

Me: Yea, I know what you mean. I too always wear dresses when I go out for dinner [holding my stomach and thinking of my food baby].

I can't have something holding my stomach when I'm eating. It's just so uncomfortable.

Cue: Pomfret slap.

While this was happening, another friend of mine started laughing and signaled me to shut up and stop making an ass of myself.

Well, to be fair, babies are babies, whether made up of human stuff or food.