Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The eye exam

I went in for an eye exam recently.
After a gazillion years.

They have these ginormous machines that are there just to intimidate you.
And force you to check if you need glasses even when you want to just check for an infection.
So you do the pressure test - where they blow air into your eye.
And the other regular test - where you guess the really tiny alphabets that you can't read.
And say "its a D" and wait for a nod or then say "oh sorry it's a P, what was I thinking".

A few fake smiles later they make you wait outside next to someone with blood shot eyes.
Till they call you back in and flip your eyelids without a warning.
Yes, they do that.
And when you don't let them, they call assistants just to hold your head.
Which is a little embarrassing when you're my age.
And all this when you're all the while worrying about how the doctor didn't wear gloves and probably also flipped the eyelids of Miss blood shot eyes.

I tried not to touch anything in the clinic and simply hovered around the furniture like the Great Gazoo and pretended to sit on it while wishing I could bathe the clinic in hand sanitiser.

Oh the trauma!

And you don't even leave with a lollipop.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Wicked innit

For some reason my sister has never quite understood the British accent.
So we can never successfully watch a show on BBC together.
Which is too bad because the BBC has some pretty good shows.

So, this year I am gifting you a Youtube lesson on Learning the British Accent.
Because it's free.
And if you speak it, you understand it.
Wicked innit?!

If you understand that you are learning the wrong British accent.

Happy Birthday!

May your day be Jolly good!

Monday, April 22, 2013

Counting sheep and everything else

I've always loved counting.
Simple arithmetic is fun!

If I couldn't sleep at night, I'd usually recite numbers in French.
But before I studied French, I would count.
Not sheep.
Just count.
One night I figured out how my birthday was exactly 77 days after my mother's birthday and 77 days before my grandmother's.
And I got amazing sleep that night.

Since I liked counting a lot and was fairly creative, I always pictured my brain to look somewhat like a Mondrian - organised, colour coded and resembling a calculator.

So clearly while growing up I was quite fascinated with Shakuntala Devi popularly known as the Human Computer. She was a super genius who could calculate anything.
I used to own a book by her that had her photo on the back and I thought she was the smartest lady ever.

She was the daughter of a circus performer. Her father was a trapeze artist, lion tamer and human cannonball. How scary but cool is that?
She had no formal education but her talent for number crunching was discovered by her father while she assisted him while he performed card tricks.
Her talent was so super human and so good at such a young age that it wasn't long before she was discovered by the rest of the world.

She was like a girl version on Little Man Tate.

In 2006, she wrote a book called In the Wonderland of Numbers about a girl called Neha who was terrorized by Maths. Neha meets with an accident and is transported to a magical place until she regains consciousness. The book talks about Neha's adventures in the magical Kingdom of Zero.
Clearly Shakuntala Devi was NOT talking about me.
I was no number hater.

I always wanted to meet Shakuntala Devi for some reason besides wanting to meet Oprah (so she'd praise me and shower me with gifts) and Leonardo DiCaprio (because he's so handsome) but that unfortunately never happened.

Shakuntala Devi passed away yesterday.
May she rest in peace.
And if she doesn't manage to get that amazing heavenly rest, well, she can always count some sheep.
And maybe even multiply, add and subtract them.
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