Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Seven Years

While day-dreaming I was thinking about everything that takes seven years to happen.

The cattleya orchid blooms.

The married get an itch.

Your chewing gum gets digested.

Your bad luck from breaking a mirror ends.

And every cell in your body regenerates and you are a brand new you.

Just felt like sharing my observation.

Have a great day!

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Currently scanning

I have never been much of a reader.
And reading for me involves using energy to focus my attention on every word.
Since that never happens, I call myself a scanner.
I scan a couple of words here and there and make some sense of it and understand my version of the story.

They say this is bad for your eyes so I try to balance it out by eating carrots. Ok, so that's not true.
So I may need to start eating ants in the near future without being on Fear Factor. Eeks.
(Someone told me they are good for your eyes? Is it protein? Or is it just a big fat lie?)

So here's what I'm currently scanning.

It's the somewhat Indian version of Bossypants.
I'm halfway through and loving it.
Honesty + sarcasm + a good sense of humour = a good read.

Here's a preview.
Book quotes via
If you want to know more, you should probably read the book since I doubt there will be a movie that will be made based on this book.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

A weekend in Goa

Photo by me.
I spent my weekend in Goa and it was nothing but fantabulous.
I went with two of my oldest friends with whom being lame just comes naturally.
And what could be more fun than that.

This was our routine:
Wake up.
Have a beer with breakfast.
Jump into the pool.
Follow one of Oshos's 10 commandments.*
Head to the beach.
Jump into the sea.
Beer no.2.
Eat seafood.
Beer no.3.
Eat anything fried.
Swim around.
Do cartwheels on the beach.
Take bad photos on my Lomo camera.
Come home and finally bathe in the evening. (Evening baths are justified on holidays).
Dress up like lovely ladies and go out once again.
And then one of my friends would get hit on even more than a piñata.

Photo of me by me.
In the middle of all that we found time to:
- watch a movie (Argo)
- go swimsuit shopping
- do underwater photography with my iPhone (Yes, I have courage and a scubasuit)
- and find doppelgangers - Kenny G and Yash Birla.

The only low point was when a Sadhu-like man tried to charge me 100 rupees to take a picture with his elephant. I told him are you serious? It's an animal.

Minus 100 points to Goa.
But it's still heavenly.

*And if you're wondering which of Osho's commanments we managed to follow, it was No.8:
Do not swim. Float.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Happy Children's Day

When I was a child, I just couldn't wait to grow up.
Be an adult and be able to understand all the things adults told me I wouldn't understand.
My sister was my role model and I wanted to do everything she did.
And I wanted to be everything she wanted to be.
Not much has changed for me since then.

She is only 3 years older than I am but back then she was the cool adult in my life who taught me the meaning of gay as two men who love each other. It was a lot to digest at age 8 but she was the one I  never questioned and always took advice from. When she was a teenager I was a tenager (lame word coined by my sister). 

She would dream of one day going to the Himalayas to meet Shiva (the God).
And at the same time wanted to travel to America to meet Madonna and Tina Turner.
And also wanted to wear fingerless gloves and break dance like Michael Jackson.

I can say a lot has changed for her since then.

When I think back about what I was like as a child, there's just so much that comes to my mind.
It's all quite funny now and so I thought I'd share it today.

1. I watched He-Man on TV everyday and played with the Skeletor action figure for a chunk of my childhood. I'd like to say I was innocent and didn't judge a book by it's cover. But, who am I kidding? *I was sort of an idiot.

2. I divided my time between playing with toy guns (I don't know what my parents were thinking) and playing board games like Chess (I played it a little wrong). I thought every child played chess.

3. I collected coins in piggie banks that were stolen by my sister. Why? Refer to Point No.1*

4. The money collected in this piggie bank was later transferred to a velvet jewelry box with Neshaya's Bank written on it in green crayon. Neshaya was a cool combination of my sister's and my name. How clever right?

5. I bought gifts for my parents birthdays with money from this 'bank'. The gifts included a waterproof ashtray and a 60 rupee perfume that was slightly sticky called Magnet. The perfume clearly took it's name seriously and I wondered why my mother never used it.

6. I used bad words without knowing what they meant like f*** and b****** till I got yelled at by my father after which if me or my sister used them by accident, it was used to blackmail each other. What fun! And then we had safe words like basket. Which sounded close to the bad word but couldn't get us blackmailed.

7. I wrote words like Boobless on the calculator and thought it was hilarious. Clearly Leet could crack me up. Ah! The simple joys!

8. I never walked into my living room. I simply entered it with a cartwheel everytime.

9. I tried to throw my lunch out of the window because I hated eating vegetables and with my amazing luck it landed on a man's head.

10. I pinched a man's arse in the fish market after he pinched mine. A pinch for a pinch.

11. I thought dinosaurs never existed and were simply created by Steven Spielberg for the Jurassic Park movie. I also thought pirates were fictional characters.

12. I thought Baroda was abroad. Anagram confusion!

13. My worst nightmare was Paresh Rawal chasing me on a cycle around Shivaji Park.

14. I didn't find the photographer who took my first passport photo handsome enough to take my photo (at age 5) and so my first passport has the grumpiest face ever.

15. I loved watching Mahabharat but had no idea what was going on and just loved how they all had suns shining behind their headgear.

16. I thought that the people of Canada spoke Kannada. My sister corrected me and told me they spoke Canadian. Who was stupider? - that is something we will never know.

17. I had many friends who were much older than I was since my sister refused to play games with me. She would pretend to be very cool and adult like and write non-rhyming poetry.

18. I could tell time by hearing the Bhajans playing in the temple in my building on my way to school. So one bhajan didn't give me a good feeling because when I heard it, I knew I was late for school.

19. I learnt all the Hindi movie song tunes by listening to the band playing outside the Gurudwara down my road where there were weddings almost everyday.

20. I thought there were numbers only till 20.

21. I thought that if I spoke too much, the voice in my voicebox would get over. So I only spoke when it was necessary. Once I found out that that's not how it works, I tried to make up for all that quiet time. And I'm still not done as you can see.

22. If I would eat too much, my stomach would expand and look like a globe and I'd get worried that I was with child.

23. At the same time I was very confident that by the time I grew up and was about to have a child, 'the scientists' would find a new way to deliver babies. Because what else have they got to do anyway?
This is also why I loved the Japanese story of Momotaro - the Peach boy.

24. I pretend smoked/ ate Phantom ciggies which I bought from the corner Irani shop. It doubled up as lipstick when I wanted to sport a 'Paan eaten' look.

25. I loved dressing up and matched everything I was wearing in an almost OCD way.

26.  I told a doctor that the Mid-Day newspaper and strong perfumes made me sneeze and sometimes cough which in turn made my chin itch. Help!

27. I would enter every contest especially the drawing ones. I won Rs. 100 vouchers with which I bought an Asterix which I never read and a book on The Ox (that's what I am according to Chinese Astrology) also still not read by me.

28. I wished to one day run out of eye and nose fluids. It would also make sad moments a lot easier right?

29. I would cry for really silly things in movies like when a dog would learn to swim.

30. I was oddly positive. I was in the middle of the Sikkim landslides in the summer of '96 but thought there was no way I could die because my life line on my palm seemed really long and tackled a tough day with a smile.

31. I was never taught how to pray and never knew how to start so always started with 'Dear God I'm sorry I don't pray everyday but I'm sure you understand because you made me'.

32. I would watch the Bold and the Beautiful everyday and thought that only American's french kissed.

33. I thought that because was the longest word EVER even though at the same time I was probably singing Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. And so I used because in every sentence because I thought using it made me sound like I was speaking Einstein.

34. I also used words like meaniac and cheapstake and thought that they actually existed in the English dictionary.

35. I had something against odd numbers. Don't ask. Actually I still do. Which is why I won't end this post now with 35 points (even though I sometimes don't mind multiples of 5).

36. I was worried about the world coming to an end in 2012. But then again I thought it was so far away and that when that day came I'd be 27 - an adult, probably married with children. I would either be mentally capable to handle such an event by this age or the scientists would have come up with a solution.

Well, none of that happened.
I suppose somewhere deep down I'm still a child.
Whatever has happened - weird and normal has made me who I am.
And I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.
And going forward, all I can say is:

And there's so much more to say but let's just save that for next year.

Happy Children's Day! 

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Happy Diwali

Photo by me
I love parties. The happy energy you feel is almost unreal. Or is it just me?
I attended a school friend's Diwali party last night.
He told us it would be a 'card party' like most Diwali parties are these days.
I clearly didn't take him seriously and went for the party with my dancing shoes on.
I reached his house and the living room was full of specially created card-playing areas.
And since I was the Teen Patti virgin, I was put at the Kacha Limboo table.

I learnt a bit. Cheated. Stole counters. Did something called Sideshow. And lost 100 rupees only.
Not because I played well but because I was at the Kacha Limboo table.

So tell me something. What is the connection between Diwali and playing cards?
Is it because the Goddess Laxmi enters the house, and brings wealth and good fortune along with her?
But then what about the people who lose money?
I'm confused.

Being the Kacha Limboo that I was, I didn't enjoy playing the game.
Because let's face it, who enjoys losing?
Or playing a game they don't understand?
To me it was like playing golf.
But with cards.
Does that make any sense?

I have no idea what game I was even playing and within 20 minutes I was requesting others to start playing easier mindless games like Bluff
just dance like we did in the old days.

What ever happened to that?

Looks like I'll have to enrol myself in some sort of Teen Patti bootcamp before next Diwali.

And hopefully till then I'll find a reason to dance everyday.

Hope you do too.
Happy Diwali!

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Spot the difference

On this lazy Saturday morning as I was doing nothing, a lightbulb went off in my head.

Dr No in You Only Live Twice.
I realised Dr No (the bad guy in some old Bond movies) has been quite an inspiration to many.

And in all fields:

First there was movies...
Dr Evil in Austin Powers.
Then music...
Cee lo Green on The Voice.
And finally fashion...
Karl Lagerfeld as seen in Harper's Bazaar.
I thought it was hilarious and had to share my genius observation.

Have a good weekend!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Craig. Daniel Craig.

Skyfall, the new James Bond movie is releasing here today and I can't wait to watch it.
The reason - 100% Daniel Craig.

The first Bond movie I watched was probably Goldeneye in 1995. I remember loving the song. And I thought Pierce Brosnan was the shizzle and could never be replaced by another Bond ever again.

And then when Daniel Craig waltzed in as the new Bond, I remember being disappointed.
And then I watched Casino Royale and everything changed.

Daniel Craig was so perfectly cast. Such a manly man!
He was so much more than being about the gadgets, the women and the martinis.

And made me think about how Pierce Brosnan should have stuck to being Remington Steele.
Don't you agree?
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