Sunday, November 21, 2010

A Life less Internetty

by Lee Crutchley
I've been internet-starved for about a week now.
Life seems dull without the RGB.
I am one of those boring people who enjoys ignoring the world and spends her evenings glued to her computer like a moth to the light.
Not being a social butterfly, I am more likely to be seen surfing with my hands firmly on my keyboard than my feet firmly on a surfboard.

But, since I've been disconnected from the World wide Web of fun, I spent my week desperately searching for other things to do. Here's how it went.

Black and blue was the theme. No, I'm not talking about a Sanjay Leela Bhansali Film but my bruises. It wasn't a simple 'Princess and the pea' story either. It was more of a slipping and falling and drama drama drama till I was served food covered in white sauce which miraculously acted as a pain killer.There's something special in the white sauce that my mom makes which comforts your bones like bubble wrap.

This was Children's Day. So, I celebrated it by being myself. Took a couple of catnaps. What else do u do on  Sunday anyway?
I was all set to write one of those nosalgic blogs but, oh no! No internet.

Painted my nails bright blue. Then transparent. Then black.
Ate a salad with olives. Realised how much I love olives. They have such a perfectly cheesy quality. Weirdly enough I always took them off my food just cause I thought I didn't like them.

Saw a lot of goats. A lot of them. It was the day before Eid. Couldn't help but feel scared for them.
Such mixed feelngs. I do eat animals. But I feel bad too.
An issue better avoided.

Watched Marley and Me. Makes me cry everytime. Every single time. And I've never had a pet.

Practised doing Smokey eye makeup on myself in preparation for a friend's wedding coming up very soon.
Makeup is something noone really ever taught me. So, I've learnt most of it on YouTube.

I watched Golmaal 3 only to avoid climbing 6 floors since my elevator wasn't working. Never understood the point of it or how spending even a Rupee on making it was justified but I guess India loves slapstick so it works.
To make my day more fruitful, I cut my fringe a bit. And in a bit of a hurry.
Working on Photoshop all the time makes me feel like I can Ctrl+Z my way out of everything in life.
Well, not quite. Definitely not haircuts.
I guess in a few days I'll have a Ctrl+N look to look forward to.

I watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1. I always love it. Witches and wizards, a well imagined story, a book I never bothered to read, British accents I love to imitate and so much more.
And I can't stop staring at the nose of He-who-must-not-be-named. It's so weird but cool but weird.
Ended my week of internetless misery with an El Bandida Cosmopolitan at Sancho's, the new Mexican restaurant in Bandra.
I guess that's what Sarah Jessica Parker would've had in Mexico.

A lot happened.
A lot of introspection.
A lot of Jasmine Tea.
A lot of realisation.
I realised how much I hate eating with a fork and knife.
So a big thanks to all those people who I've dined with and have done all the cutting while I've done all the eating.
Yes, seriously.

So, I guess that makes me a Survivor?

What a Week!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

The October Blog

This post is titled The October Blog since incase you didn't already notice, I didn't have even one entry all of last month which sort of bothers me and has made me write this now.

So why was there no blog?
Was I busy? Not really.
Was I out of town? Partly.
Was I in depression over a boy? No, it's been a while since that happened.
Did I run out of material??

Definitely NOT.

I've come to realise that even when my life is super boring and there's nothing to say really, I still always have something to say. And it's the same with my writing.

I could write a whole article on someone as random as Kevin Bacon.
Now you may think why Kevin Bacon? 
He's not a super actor nor is he handsome, according to me atleast. 
Then Why Kevin Bacon?
Well, how often do you meet someone who's surname is Bacon? Seriously?
It's like me introducing myself as 'Hi, I'm Neha Pork Chop'.

Clearly, I could go on and on so instead I'll just get back to the point.

The month when you pretend to enjoy the heat during the rainless days and spend your evenings surrounded by moths of all sizes who seem to be crazily flying around in party mode. Sometimes they are butterflies but I dislike them just as much. My mom says that a butterfly entering the home is a sign of goodluck. Well, I think it's like crow shit. They tell you  it's goodluck just so you don't feel so bad about it.

My October began with Navratri-Dassera like everyone else in India. I know that it was the time when Ram defeated Ravan but then why do we do Durga Puja? I guess I have a lot of reading to do.
With so many Gods, I tend to get confused at times. And I went to a Christian school where everyday I prayed to Jesus (as most people know him), or Jejhus (according to Rakhi Sawant) or Jebus (according to Homer Simpson) so I don't exactly have a concept of one God.
But, tell me something. What's with the fascination with Dandiya that comes with Navratri? According to me it's the silliest thing invented by Indians. Never quite understood the point of going around in circles hitting sticks (and occasionally people's eyes) and pretending to enjoy it. But, it's meant to be a time for celebration, togetherness and for some reason it's a time when advertisers go crazy with the contraceptive advertisements.

With my house under renovation, and being trapped in one room where my grandmom owns the remote control, I decided to find other things to do besides the obvious - watching TV. I tried reading but I have only still read Eat. I don't know if I'm ready for Pray or Love yet. Like a good whiskey, I too take time to mature.
So, I'll just watch the movie.

Speaking of movies, I watched the Rajnikant-Aishwarya starrer Robot - the movie that started the phenomenon of 'Rajni is cooler than Superman' jokes. It was one of the weirdest movies ever. Firstly the robot is a lookalike of Rajni but like a younger cooler but still not handsome one but without the weird-Scientist-who-doesn't-have-the-time-to-comb-his-hair look. And this Robot is named Chitti. I don't know why. And then he insists on pronouncing Robot as Robo. Is that the Hindi pronunciation of the word? Anyway, I ended up watching only the first half being dragged out by my friends in the interval. Not that I was dying to watch it but there was definitely a lot of curiosity.
Now some people called this a superhit. I fail to understand how. The only way to describe it is by comparing it to a Rorschach inkblot. Everyone seems to see something different in it.

The dog and the Cone
The best part of my October was meeting new family and old friends.
I visited my only married school friend and her husband and had a ball of a time. I always thought it was weird to hang out with couples, especially when you're single but it so was not. Plus they have the cutest dog in the world. He's the most hyper and friendly dog who keeps your feet warm while comfortably sleeping over them. 
He nearly seems like the perfect man. Kind, friendly, loyal. But then again he would make a pretty crappy date. He does tend to stare a lot while you eat.
So, I spent a week with the fab couple and tons of Chinese, Japanese and Thai food.
Overate and totally loved the food but hate how I'm such a virgin Chopstick user. I'm the girl who picks up the fork at a Chinese restaurant while having to deal with stares of disappointment.
Oh well! You can't always please the world.
So I ended my month with a week spent with great friends, great food, cocktails and burning off the fat by shopping in the mall. Brilliant!

So that was my October.

Diwali sort of came and went. Just like Obama.
Like every year, I decorated my house with lights, a lantern and a Rangoli.
Ate Diwali sweets for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Wore new clothes.
Had an oil bath. No, not a bath with oil but a bath after putting oil. It's a weird old custom or something my grandmom made up. She even pours a few drops of oil in my ears which I swear I can feel going into my eyes. Whether that's actually possible I don't know. But everything is connected so who knows. To prove my point I did once pour a few drops of oil in an ex boyfriend's ear and all I got was a dirty look.

Re-read the significance of the 5 days of Diwali just for fun.
Again, is it more about Ram coming back from the jungle or about Lakshmi entering the house? I started reading about Ram and he seems to have done a lot. I guess that's why we have the Ramayan. I read about how he married Sita in a Swayamvar. Much before Rakhi Sawant and Rahul Mahajan and Prithviraj Chauhan. I remember learning about Prithviraj Chauhan's Swayamvar in our 4th standard history textbooks and thinking it was so romantic and that he even looked cute in the textbook drawing. I was a silly 9 year old then. And Prithviraj married his cousin. Weird.

Getting back to the point, I spent Diwali replying to many text messages since that's how it's done these days. Noone sends greeting cards anymore unfortunately.
Met up with friends. Had long nonsensical conversations on what Aku had taught me as the 3 things you don't discuss at the dinner table - politics, religion and sex.

And I cooked. Which is a Diwali miracle. I made quesadillas which I learnt from my friend while on holiday. Thanks Enez. I would put up the photo but then it took my mom a while to take my picture with the right pose so the quesadilla looks a little 'tanned'.
My job was more of the assembling and putting on the pan kind, while my mom did vegetable cutting since we needed to eat that day itself. She cut all the veggies in about ten minutes which was pretty good. I wanted to tell her to give me julienned vegetables just so I could say julienned but since that's not what we needed and since it would have only earned me another dirty look I thought I'll save the word for another day.

Happy Diwali.
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