Saturday, May 29, 2010

Happy birthday week

Its been a long time since my last blog. Missed it but somehow didn't find the time since I was somewhat 'lost in procrastination'.

I have so many thoughts. Too many thoughts. So many ideas about art, decorating my house, how I could be mean to people I don't like, kill insects in a twisted way so that it doesn't add onto my bad karma and so so much more.

So aaanyway today I've decided that come what may, I'm blogging. I had a super long day that involved copying everything from my computer onto my hard drive, a lot of unplugging and cleaning and packing. And now I look as muscular as Madonna. Said a quick goodbye to my old computer (which had a name btw) and decided I'm not going to feel bad about it or get attached to anything anymore. I have cried for everything from losing a pen to selling our old Fiat which had lost 90 percent of its paint and was more brown than white. But I have something new and shiny to look forward to and till then I'm just blogging from my phone. What determination right?!

So this was birthday week. Fell on a Monday so didn't have the usual party. Had a fab dress for the first time and no chance to wear it. Dammit! Anyway wore my backup outfit. Yes I take my birthday very seriously. Mallika called herself my maid of honour on my birthday. I'm glad I've trained her well.

Started the birthday with a big fat chinese lunch. Went prepared dressed in pregnancy wear so the duck dressed in plum sauce had enough space to float around in my tummy. Followed that with a good nap and woke up all charged for some wii. Met some friends, cut a cake, made a looong wish hoping for miracles. Why not. Then went out for dinner to Pali Village Cafe with the school friends. Nice place but not all that its made out to be. Liked the unfinished look of the place but they went a tad bit overboard with it and I wasn't sure whether it was me or the walls of the restaurant that needed to get plastered. Anyway had plenty of Sangria. By the way that too gives you wings. Sorry Red bull. Had some interesting conversations which for a change didn't revolve around embarrassing me but focused more on important topics like if you're with your girlfriend/ boyfriend would you rather smell their poop or let them smell yours. Great 25th birthday dinner conversation and definitely something to think about. Its Friday and I still don't know my answer.

Anyway to summarise my birthday dinner, it was great and I was flying. Remember going to the loo and a random boy wished me happy birthday. Now I obviously don't remember him so let's just pretend that he was cute. Haha. Ended the night with random people singing the happy birthday song and dessert 'avec' sparklers. Wow I just spoke french. (Excited Mallika?)

The Sun Jar
Got some super nice gifts. Yes I'm a greedy gift lover. Muahaha.

Got some awesome shoes and clothes. Even a sun jar. A very cool jar full of sunshine that I like to sit by every night now. I also got a cool miniature alarm clock and a toast stamp with which u can emboss good morning into your toast. What a perfect way to start your day with happy toast that speaks to you. And Mallika also gifted me mulitple orgasms in the form of two boxes of Lindor. A special word has also been coined to describe this - its called 'lindorgasms'. How intelligent! But this is not just any Lindor, its the duty free one, the fresh variety that explodes in your mouth. I have done a lot of research in this area clearly.

Anyway I think that's enough of knowledge that has been imparted for one day. Stayed up to watch High School Musical 3. I actually know the lyrics of the songs. You can think I'm super lame but its my happy movie and if I was 16 I'd say Zac Efron was hot but unfortunately I'm 25.
Its very late now and my eyes need some dreaming. Off to the Hamptons (Gorai) for the weekend.

Have a good one.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

All fished out

The summer heat is really getting to me. You sweat. A shower never seems good enough. You can't use all the nice lotions unless you're insane in the membrane. And to top it all your hair looks like crap every single day of summer. I'd like to believe that my 'au naturel' hairstyle on some days resembles Scarlett Johansson's from the Mango ads but I guess only I think that. I have tried to pass of my bad hair days as my 'out of bed' look but for that all I do is actually just get out of bed and look that way which is probably not what Scarlett does. I have a lot to learn.

Yesterday was fun. Mallika and I went swimming. All we did was floated and then we talked about life - something that never seems to get old. Mallika thought I resembled a turtle in the pool but after I got out and looked at myself in the mirror I looked a little more like badly done toast. I got a tan which was like an outline drawing on my body telling me where exactly I had worn my swimsuit and is now like a manual for me the next time I need to wear a swimsuit (which is tomorrow - Yay!) incase I ever forget how to wear one. We followed that with a steam and left the club looking like 2 freshly made pancakes. I don't know why I'm calling myself a pancake but can't think of a better comparison.

Now here's the awesomely cool part. Mallika and I then went for fish pedis. We got there super excited and once we sat down neither of us had the guts to go through with it. We went through a session of you-go-first-no-you-go-first-no-you for what seemed like the duration of 'Gone with the Wind'. It got so embarrassing and to make it even worse the lady there actually started dragging our feet into the tank. This is when we realized we are not made for Fear Factor.

So anyway I realized I can't chicken out and so we went ahead and said a little prayer and stuck our feet in a tank full of tiny toothless fish (brought from Turkey just for us). They felt like little bubbles around our feet. Like mini jacuzzis. We totally loved it and decided to make our 15 minute fish therapy into a 30 minute one. How brave were we?! We even made sure that none of the fish got lazy and were slaves to our soon to be beautiful feet.
This is when I thought now I'm ready for some scuba. The first steps have been taken and now I can deal with not getting freaked out by fish.
Lakshadweep is calling meeee. Been wanting to go back there since I was a kid. Hoping Aku will be excited about it too and join me though as a kid she had plans of going to the Himalayas and meeting Shiva (and maybe having a tea party). She also wanted gloves so she could break dance like MJ. Oh what an interesting life she did lead!

So anyway we got home and acted like we had just popped out of 'The Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous' and felt pretty awesome about our day. After this I killed an hour watching tv. Watched Gilmore Girls. I like Rory's new boyfriend. He's like a bad boy who has a perfectly charming smile that washes away his sins. Just like that. Don't know why girls always like whats so wrong. Was a nice episode but can't understand why everyone on that show talks so fast. I mean every single person on that show speaks super fast like they want to finish reading the script of 2 shows in one episode.

During the show I watched what I thought was a pretty hilarious Garnier ad. So a girl walks in and tells her sister, "Oh no! I've got a grey hair" (like a meteor has just hit planet Earth) and says "Rohan's going to dump me" which is when her sister comes to her rescue by handing her a box of Garnier Hair colour. The next day the girl prances in with her newly coloured hair and her sister asks her "So did Rohan call" and coloured hair girl says "Vijay, Kapil and Raj too". If only it were that easy to solve all of life's problems.

So basically if this is true Rohan's dumping me and Vijay, Kapil and Raj are not even going to bother asking me for my number after seeing my 4 strands of grey hair that I like to call character.

Or I'll meet a man who's not shallow. Hahahaha.

Anyway now I'm off to tune TV channels for the grandmother since she asked me to about a year ago.

Love the fishiness of yesterday. From swimming like one to having them swim around me to finally eating some at dinner. What a beautiful and complex life I do lead!

Monday, May 3, 2010

End of an era?

Its been a while since my last blog. I'm sorry if I'm disappointing my followers but I've suddenly had a life. Haha. Its also the end of an era. I won't tell you why yet.

So not knowing what to write I'll just summarize what's been happening since my last blog.
  • I traveled far and wide to the lands of Gorai and Madh island both for birthday parties.
  • I started using a new toothpaste. Its Colgate for strong teeth. Can't stand it one bit. Want to murder it and replace it with Colgate total asap. My life doesn't feel right without it.
  • I've finally realized I really don't like Hrithik Roshan. All he has got going for him is the worm in his ass dance. Not going to impress me forever so have taken a decision to THROW HIM TO THE LIONS.
  • Realised that God didn't plant me on Earth to get married and have decided to put other things on the agenda like getting a fish pedicure.
  • I start my day everyday by reading the wikiquote on wikipedia. Dont know why exactly but I do. Very rarely they're nice. Generally they are so long and make no sense but I read them anyway.This is yesterdays - Before abstraction everything is one, but one like chaos; after abstraction everything is united again, but this union is a free binding of autonomous, self-determined beings. Out of a mob a society has developed, chaos has been transformed into a manifold world. ~ Novalis.   Whaaaat? If I could say something to Novalis, whoever he is (not even interested in wiki-ing him) in my bad hindi I'd say Tu mad hai kya??
  • Been reading Karan Johar's articles in Bombay Times every Thursday. He is turning into a boring aunty giving advice on life. Couldn't really care. He should stick to what he does best - Gossip.
  • Hating that its birthday month. Feels very stressful.Want everything to slow down but would still like it to fast forward to May 7 so I can watch Iron Man 2. Big fan. Secretly wish my name was as cool as Pepper Potts.
  • Finally watched Terms of Endearment this weekend and cried my eyes out. So, yes I have a heart. I also cry when dogs learn to swim. Still need to understand why.
  • Been listening to a new car cd with old songs on it. Thanks Ano. Only you could manage to make me a cd like this. My cd favourites are Etta James 'At Last' and 'The way you look Tonight' - the Michael Buble version (yes that's actually his surname). I secretly wished my future husband would have an awesome voice and sing that to me on our wedding day. And I'd sing a rap song so noone judges my bad singing voice or the fact that I always sing the wrong lyrics. I have actually sang 'I found America in you' for 'I've found a miracle in you'.
  • I have decided that my future husband will also be a good public speaker (like Shashi Tharoor atleast). This will probably never happen cause I'm guessing I'll most probably marry an Indian and I think Indians do not possess public speaking skills. But anyway if he does, then what a turn on.
This weekend was somewhat boring. Spent most of it at home. Tried convincing my friend Mallika to come pick me up and take me to Cheap Jack (a random store nearby) to buy a lot of crap and go eat icecream but that didn't work out.

Met a couple of friends last night and we talked about how we all totally loved the Crystal Maze and Mumzy and going 'Into the Crystal Dome' to catch coloured pieces of paper. How random. I think I'm going to youtube it today. I miss baldy O'Brien.

Still in search of the life plan. But starting to think I'm pretty capable. I could do anything I guess.
As a kid I was so over confident. I wanted to be a doctor or an artist and other regular stuff like that and then I also assisted Aku in so many of her little business ventures. Think I could add it to my work ex on my CV.
  • I was assisstant machi wali to her while she started pretending to sell fish in our living room.
  • I was her hairstyling assisstant / practising mannequin head till Aku cut my moms hair for real while she was sleeping and that ended that career option.
  • We owned a chaddi shop together where we sold paper cut out underwear at parties in our living room again. This time we set up a table and even priced them according to how great the filmstar in the underwear cutout was. Salman Khan - Rs. 5 , Madhuri Dixit Rs. 10
  • We even had our own bank.
  • Besides all this I'm sure I even could speak Gujrati. What more did I need in life?
Proof that I was a star.
I think 5 yr old Neha was ready to be the next Ambani. Too bad that I grew up and all those hopes and dreams just vanished.
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