The eye exam

via

I went in for an eye exam recently.
After a gazillion years.

They have these ginormous machines that are there just to intimidate you.
And force you to check if you need glasses even when you want to just check for an infection.
So you do the pressure test - where they blow air into your eye.
And the other regular test - where you guess the really tiny alphabets that you can't read.
And say "its a D" and wait for a nod or then say "oh sorry it's a P, what was I thinking".

A few fake smiles later they make you wait outside next to someone with blood shot eyes.
Till they call you back in and flip your eyelids without a warning.
Yes, they do that.
And when you don't let them, they call assistants just to hold your head.
Which is a little embarrassing when you're my age.
And all this when you're all the while worrying about how the doctor didn't wear gloves and probably also flipped the eyelids of Miss blood shot eyes.

I tried not to touch anything in the clinic and simply hovered around the furniture like the Great Gazoo and pretended to sit on it while wishing I could bathe the clinic in hand sanitiser.

Oh the trauma!

And you don't even leave with a lollipop.

Wicked innit

For some reason my sister has never quite understood the British accent.

So we can never successfully watch a show on BBC together.

Which is too bad because the BBC has some pretty good shows.

So, this year I am gifting you a Youtube lesson on Learning the British Accent.

Because it's free.

And if you speak it, you understand it.

Wicked innit?!

If you understand that you are learning the wrong British accent.

Happy Birthday!

May your day be Jolly good!

Counting sheep and everything else

I've always loved counting.

Simple arithmetic is fun!

If I couldn't sleep at night, I'd usually recite numbers in French.

But before I studied French, I would count.

Not sheep.

Just count.

One night I figured out how my birthday was exactly 77 days after my mother's birthday and 77 days before my grandmother's.

And I got amazing sleep that night.

Since I liked counting a lot and was fairly creative, I always pictured my brain to look somewhat like a Mondrian - organised, colour coded and resembling a calculator.

So clearly while growing up I was quite fascinated with Shakuntala Devi popularly known as the Human Computer. She was a super genius who could calculate anything.

I used to own a book by her that had her photo on the back and I thought she was the smartest lady ever.

She was the daughter of a circus performer. Her father was a trapeze artist, lion tamer and human cannonball. How scary but cool is that?

She had no formal education but her talent for number crunching was discovered by her father while she assisted him while he performed card tricks.

Her talent was so super human and so good at such a young age that it wasn't long before she was discovered by the rest of the world.

She was like a girl version on Little Man Tate.

In 2006, she wrote a book called In the Wonderland of Numbers about a girl called Neha who was terrorized by Maths. Neha meets with an accident and is transported to a magical place until she regains consciousness. The book talks about Neha's adventures in the magical Kingdom of Zero.

Clearly Shakuntala Devi was NOT talking about me.

I was no number hater.

I always wanted to meet Shakuntala Devi for some reason besides wanting to meet Oprah (so she'd praise me and shower me with gifts) and Leonardo DiCaprio (because he's so handsome) but that unfortunately never happened.

Shakuntala Devi passed away yesterday.

May she rest in peace.

And if she doesn't manage to get that amazing heavenly rest, well, she can always count some sheep.

And maybe even multiply, add and subtract them.

Godiva

I just got back from my holiday a few days ago and as always I did some Duty Free shopping.

I don't know why but I go a bit crazy in duty free and shouldn't ever really be left there unsupervised.

I almost look like a child playing in a waterfall of goodies under a beaten down pinata.

Yes, the thought itself is a little scary.

But everytime I am at the airport I make sure I pick up a box of Godiva.

It's just something that must be done.

I have always loved the name Godiva. 

Godiva Godiva Godiva.

Ok, so I wouldn't name my daughter that but my love for the name made me look her up.

Lady Godiva was the wife of Leofric, who was an Earl.

She took pity on the people of Coventry who had to pay high taxes and appealed to her husband to reduce it and show some kindness to the people.

Leofric agreed on the condition that Godiva would ride through the town while naked on her horse.

Lady Godiva did so after procaliming that the whole town must be closed and that everyone must stay in their homes.

Only one man - Tom (of Peeping Tom fame) decided to have a little looksie and made a hole in his shutters and watched as Godiva passed by.

Everyone had a good day.

Godiva got to ride around the town naked.

Tom got to see Godiva naked.

and Leofric abolished the tax.

But somehow Tom went blind.

I'm not sure if that was a punishment for looking at a naked woman on a horse.

Or whether they made it up to scare other boys.

My research sort of ended there and I dove head first into a nice big box of chocolates.

Hope your day is just as sweet as mine.

Happy Easter!

Keep Calm and Happy Anniversary

This is for my avocado obsessed sister and brother-in-law.

Keep Calm poster created on Photoshop by me.

Here's a fruit and vegetable chart that helps you understand in which months you can find them.

Luckily, love blossoms in every season.

Happy Anniversary.


I created the poster on Photoshop. But for those who aren't familiar with photoshop, here's an App with which you can make your own Keep Calm Posters.

Is you Madonna?

I'm going on a little one week holiday tomorrow.

To the land of the 'We can make that too but bigger and better than you'.

You guessed right.

It's Dubai!

I planned this trip on an impulse and spent the last few days feeling nervous about whether they'd give me a Visa yet again.

Now, everyone thinks it's silly to worry about getting a Visa to travel to Dubai.

Because they welcome you with open arms and lead you straight to the mall where you can spend every last penny.

But, if like me you had traveled to the Holy Land, you may not have the same kind of confidence.

If you live on this planet, you will know that they are sort of enemies.

Every time I have travelled to Israel, I have been questioned about my constant need to go to Dubai.

Questioned so much that I start to wonder whether I am in fact a terrorist.

Luckily I got my Visa which makes me feel great and like the World is a happy place again.
All those Miss Worlds wishing for World Peace really payed off and it worked out well for all of us!

But, before all the jumping with joy on getting my visa, the last few days were spent in 'nail biting' nervousness of Will They/Won't They (give me a visa).

[The nail biting was added for dramatic effect. I think it's pretty gross to bite your nails.]

And then I found a million reasons as to why they would have to give me a Visa.

And I even had one that I decided to use as my argument with the visa people incase I would get rejected.

[It's always better to be prepared in these situations instead of the should'ves and could'ves later.]

So here's my brilliant argument:

You allowed Madonna!

Madonna trivia: She started her MDNA tour in Tel Aviv (since she follows Kabbalah).

And then went to the UAE and the rest of the world.

When I told my sister this she said, "You know there is a difference between you and Madonna, right?!"

And I told her, "Do not discriminate!"

We are all equal in the eyes of the Visa officer.

Or so I hoped.

Her question reminded me of this video.

"Is you Madonna?"

But, to be honest, I is Madonna.

Or rather was.

It was a fancy dress party.

And all it took was 2 party hats and some cello tape.

I even have photographic evidence but let's just keep that in the photo album.

See you in a week!

Happy holidays to me (minus the creepy eye scan at the airport).

Missed Connections

Photo of my copy of Missed Connections by me.

I received a book I ordered in the mail today. Yay!

It's like receiving a present from yourself.

You know it's coming but you are just as excited as you'd be if it were a surprise.

Yes, receiving packages releases endorphins (atleast in my case).

The early birthday present to myself is a book called Missed Connections: Love Lost & Found by Sophie Blackall.

I had read about it a while ago and bookmarked it for days when I have time for bookmarks (which is never).

Months later I checked it out on Amazon and had a little looksie and then went ahead and ordered it on Flipkart.

The book is a collection of illustrated Craigslist Missed Connections.

A longer than usual glance, a friendly stare, a moment shared.

In the most unusual situations.

Doing laundry in our building

Girl sleeping on train

We shared a Bear suit

The short descriptions and fun illustrations take your mind on a picnic.

Or wherever your happy place is.

Because as light and funny as this book may be, you do connect with it.

We've all experienced it.

You know what I'm talking about.

Like when you saw a really goodlooking man and you imagined him to have all the world's goodness.
He was sitting close enough for you to make good eye contact.

But not close enough to have a conversation.
So you just smiled for more than 5 seconds.

Which made you look slightly creepy.

But, since you'd never see him again, it didn't really matter.

Because

Life goes on.

And we all live happily ever after.

Even with the Missed Connections.

You may want to check out Sophie Blackall's website, blog, etsy shop, Facebook page, Twitter page and other books & leave absolutely no room for Missed Connections!

C'est bon!

A friend of mine emailed me this video.

And it just made my day!

It's a Disney short with Mickey & Minnie (last name Mouse).

And it's in French!

You will hear a lot of café Croissant, café croissant, CAFÉ CROISSANT, café croissant.

It's like you're doing animated sightseeing of Paris in 3 minutes and even get a glimpse of Daisy (last name Duck).

Love it.

C'est très bon!

Have a great week!

[via DesignTaxi]

Things everyone ought to know

via

to:

Cycle

Play an instrument

Sew

Play a sport. Or atleast find someone to nag you to do it

Remember the good old days

Learn from failure

Travel like Barbie

And most importantly learn to CODE


I wrote some of these things on my TeuxDeux list. They have a section called Someday. Just perfect!

White smoke

There is a new Pope in town.

And when I say town, I mean Vatican City - the smallest country in the world.

I always wanted to go see the Pope.

It was one of my obsessions - like wanting to meet Oprah (Thank God I'm done with that phase).

I really liked Pope John Paul II. Just because he looked like such a sweet old man.

But, by the time I made the trip, Pope Benedict XVI had taken over as the Pope.

I travelled to Rome in 2006 with my sister. And we managed to spend a day at Vatican City.

I am not Catholic, though I know all the hymns thanks to the school I studied at.

But it was exciting nonetheless.

We managed to visit Vatican City on a Wednesday - when the Pope held his weekly General Audience.

I was super excited to see the Pope and when I got there I had no idea what he was saying the whole time. 

It all sounded like Latin to me.

Maybe because it was.

But as we all know, Pope Benedict XVI decided to retire last month which created a lot of questions, bad Facebook jokes and silly Tumblr blogs.

And then on Wednesday night, a little after 7pm, a new Pope was elected.

The age-old process of electing a Pope with the Vatican Conclave began in the Sistine Chapel on Wednesday.

While the 115 cardinals were still deliberating, a puff of black smoke was seen emerging from the chimney on the roof of the Sistine Chapel indicating that they had not yet chosen a new Pope.

It's sort of their version of Wait for it.

And when a new Pope was elected, a puff of white smoke was seen.

And the crowds were heard cheering in different tongues - 

Habemus Papam!

Il papa!

We have a Pope!

The new Pope is Pope Francis, formerly known as Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio who was the archbishop of Buenos Aires, Argentina.

He is the first South American (and first non-European) to lead the Roman Catholic Church as the 266th pontiff.

I can't say I agree with his thoughts on many things but I've realised that sometimes it's ok to just agree to disagree.

Here's hoping his election will do some good in this world.

[The secret recipe used for the black smoke is a combination of potassium perchlorate, anthracene (a derivative of coal tar), and sulphur. While the white smoke is created with potassium chlorate, lactose and a pine resin.]

All photos by me. Video from Pink Panther II.