Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Saving the Planet for DUMMIES

Woke up this Monday morning with a yucky feeling like I'd get a sudden headache if I opened my eyes all at once. I looked like a sleepwalking Tim Burton but that's just what I look like for 20 minutes after I wake up. I began my day by running around the house looking for a notebook and a gel pen (Aku can't survive without them). Yesterday Aku went back to her books after 7 years of procrastination. It's unfortunately going to take her 2 whole years to complete her MBA during which time I probably won't have a life either. You see, we do a lot of things together. Currently, we are watching 'How I Met your Mother' on the computer. I have finished watching Season 3 and just can't wait to watch more episodes alone but can't get ahead of Aku with the episode watching. It's just funner when you have someone to laugh at stupid things with. Someone who will start every new episode for you, get the door when the doorbell rings and maybe even some snacks on the way while you laze in bed. Miss you Aku.

So, while Aku's busy with her new life, I have decided to use my time wisely and deal with some unresolved issues in the Chop Suey that is my mind.

Two things traumatized me as a child:
1. Aruna Irani in Doodh ka Karz which I happened to watch while flipping through channels and ended up scarring me for life. Its so yuck that I’m not even linking the video to my blogpost. I don't know if I will ever get over the Aruna Irani - snake scene. I am still not sure if that was supposed to be Indian porn. 

All I could have handled at this point was Ramayan, Mahabharat or He-man.

2. The idea that the world would end on 21 December, 2012 which also I saw while flipping through channels. Would this be our last Winter solstice?
All I could have handled at this point was Ramayan, Mahabharat or He-man.

Clearly, I watched too much television as a child. 
I don’t think focusing my energy on problem no.1 will make it any better so let’s focus on problem no.2 and hope to resolve some planetary issues.

Doing more research on the internet about 2012 will probably not help since I feel Google doesn't always give answers and will just show me the opinion of 15 million people telling me both sides of the story which will bring me back to square one.

Since I can't do much about what the Mayans said or what Nostradamus had predicted, I thought maybe I could figure out my own way to tackle the ginormous problem of Global warming that seems magically hidden behind the cloak of denial.

Watching Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth only made me feel worse about this though at the very same time my grandmother was busy laughing about the fact that she won’t be around when we run out of petrol and the water levels rise etc. I watched the documentary quite carefully and paid special attention to the changing maps to see where exactly I could hide out when it all happens.

<--  This is how close my house is to the sea

So this is where 
I’ll probably run to -->

Incase that doesn’t happen, and I don’t manage to become great friends with powerful people who will take me on their private jet to the moon when it all happens, here are some things we could try to help save ourselves.

Do your bit by saving electricity. No, not the way Shahid Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra and the rest of the Bollywood stars claim to be saving the planet by switching off the lights and fans when they leave the room. You should be doing that anyway.
Maybe you could try saving electricity by not using so many electrical appliances to begin with.
Why use a refrigerator and an air conditioner when you can make your own refri-tioner?

This tried and tested invention will keep your beer cool and probably help save our planet.

If the world is already too screwed up (which it is) and animals seem to be going extinct (which has already begun happening) then get some paints and preserve what's left by making your own 'soon to be extinct animals'.

Marry Leonardo Dicaprio and live in a house powered by solar panels, 
travel around in his hybrid car and holiday in Belize 
on his own eco-friendly island.

You’d need Step Four only if Step 3 hasn’t worked. So Step 4 is TRY AGAIN. Try and try till you succeed. Didn’t anyone ever tell you that? Let’s face it, Leonardo Dicaprio is a handsome miracle.

Hope that Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat 
aka Leloo 
aka the Fifth Element 
will come a rescue us just in time.

And if all fails, don't lose hope.
Remember what Captain Planet said everyday - The Power is Yours. 

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