Who Me? Yes you. Couldn’t be. Then Who?

Aku doing a handstand

It’s that time again when I take the lid off my head and let my thoughts flow freely.  I have this weird idea that maybe I need to let go of some thoughts to make room for some new ones. How much information can my big brain actually hold? But then again humans are said to use about 10 percent of their brain so maybe what I imagine to be a cluttered big city like Bombay probably constitutes only one-tenth of my brain, the rest of it being something like the Amalfi coast.

I’ve had so many thoughts going upside down in my head. That could also be because I usually entered my living room doing a cartwheel as a child. Now only Aku runs the circus. 

I’m always figuring out my purpose in life and sometimes wonder how I am what I am.

Am I this particular version of Neha Kamath cause I grew up in the 80’s? Luckily I was too young for shoulder pads back then. Which makes me wonder – Can you be too young for shoulder pads? But I loved the 80s. The time when we got excited about the monsoons just cause it was time to let our little paper boats sail through the puddles. It was such a happy time. Everything seemed so acceptable back then. Even Calvin Harris agrees.

To clear up the confusion in my life I have decided to document everything.

Keep a diary.

Make it more meaningful? maybe.

Be more dramatic and tattoo my favourite memories and get to tell my story on Miami ink.

OR I could save myself some pain and a lot of commitment and make a pop-up book of my life. Or a pop–up video.

OR just be lazy and write this blog.

Today I get amazed at how a 5 yr old can work a DVD player or write an email.

I guess my generation can do quick typing without looking at the keyboard. Just like a pianist with the piano.

Another talent of mine that I just discovered is that I can sing a phone number. I know the exact tone each number makes and can sing any number. I may sound like a robot but it’s so cool.

How I am going to make a career out of that I do not know.

Here are the things I planned on doing but then decided not to. To be a

• Doctor – maybe cause I was inspired by Doogie Howser.
• Art teacher – I always loved art.
• Engineer – My dad was one. But I also remember thinking it was something like being a mechanic or fixing train engines.
• Machiwali – to be Aku’s assistant.
• Hairstylist – Aku’s assistant again.
• Dancer – to be flexible at 90.
• Iceskater / gymnast – looked fun on TV.
• Nude model – so I could sleep while at work (this dream lasted 5 seconds).
• Sculptor – seemed like a cool job. Or maybe I was inspired by the movie Ghost.
• Hotel reviewer – so I could talk about the fluffiness of pillows at work.
• Film critic – so I could watch every movie. I pretty much do the job anyway.
• Food critic – something I know I’d be good at since I’m a fuss pot.
• Karate champ – so I could grow up to be Mr. Miyagi.
• Origami master – cause I heart origami.
• Greeting card maker – cause I’m like a greeting card. Polite on the outside. Sometimes something unexpected on the inside.
• Musician – why not?
• Travel guide writer – I take sightseeing very seriously.
• To own a chocolate empire – so I could eat chocolate all day.

None of these plans seem to be materializing into anything.

I am an ordinary girl in a not so ordinary world.

I don’t cycle or recycle.

Is that a comprehensive enough description? Who knows?!

I’m confused and choose not to go with the flow at this point in my life.

If I did I’d be a clone of those oh-so-perfect girls with their pompadours and waterproof makeup standing akimbo as if always ready for a high fashion magazine photoshoot. Their clothes never crease and they never have food stuck in their teeth. How? 

Well, that’s one of life’s unanswered questions.

I’ve decided to take life by the horns. Take a few risks. It’s time.

I can only describe it as a pencil sharpened at both ends.

A bit dangerous. But if one doesn’t work I’ll just try the other side.

If this was an interview (not seriously) and I was asked – Where do you see yourself in the future? I’d say -

• Meet the love of my life. We’ll have the movie kind of ridiculous love. He’ll care when I talk about which version of Coldplay’s Talk I prefer.
• We’ll have a fun wedding where everyone will sit on white chiavari chairs. I hate how Indian weddings never have those.
• We’ll travel through romanchak Italy on a Vespa.
• Move into a house – something like what Tom Hanks had in the movie Big.
• We’ll cook together every Sunday alternating between making jam and cookies with special shapes.
• I’ll be a stylish pregnant lady. And no I won’t wear the Indian lady pregnancy uniform – a cross between a muumuu and a nightgown.
• Have kids the Momotaro way. Yes I am hoping they just pop out of peaches.
• We’d all look like a set of perfectly crafted Russian dolls. One child named Matryoshka and one named Babushka.
• All this while I am successfully working out of my own atelier (oh! how I love the sound of that word).
• We’ll grow old together in a house outside the city. With a dog.
• I’ll watch my husband read his newspaper while I smoke/eat a pack of phantoms and live happily ever after. (Note: Phantoms work well as a daytime lipstick and double as an evening snack to chew away your worries.)
• And all through this a special soundtrack of my life composed by Hans Zimmer will be playing.

Am I expecting much? Not really.

I am the girl who didn’t demand to wear shoulder pads in the 80’s.